Sometimes life throws you a curve ball or two and it can be difficult to see through to the positives.
It is how you deal with those curve balls that shape who you are, who you become right?
As a family we have had a huge amount to deal with in the last year. Redundancy, illness, relocating, illness, new job, losing job, illness, debt, more debt, illness, losing our home. And so it continues.
The biggest by far has been losing our lovely home, becoming unable to afford the rent. The wonderful worst thing about depression for me is how completely self-involved I became. I took the approach of an Ostrich, that is I buried my head in the sand when things got just a little bit sticky, until they got so sticky there was no way out, all the while my husband believed I was coping. Since he was out of the house from 8am (before that I am a grump anyway) until 11pm (when I once again become a grump) there was no reason for him to think that I wasn’t managing.
So we end up in the situation we are in. No home to call our own, in temporary accommodation with a mere £165 a fortnight coming in until I can complete the 100-odd pages of forms I have to fill out (and then of course DWP make an assessment).
And yet, we are lucky. I am lucky.
My husband and I got to put our son to bed last night, we woke up with him having clambered into our bed. Yes, we may all be sleeping in the same room, which is also our living space but we are all alive and healthy. There are some 20 families in Connecticut that were not so lucky last night. Who woke up this morning to the first day of the rest of their lives without one of their children.
There are families in this country who are living in terrible conditions. In a so-called rich and developed country this shouldn’t be happening.
I may well have a huge array of neurological conditions which will require several operations just to halt the progress and yes I may well never be fully fit but I still get to play with my son to some degree and have just as much chance as the average person to see him grow up. Some parents aren’t that lucky, whether through illness, fighting for our country, whatever.
So, this Christmas I am focussing on what I have already, rather than any material objects I won’t be getting.
We have a roof over our heads, however cramped it is at least clean and safe for my child. I have a son and husband who love me. An extended family who do all they can to help us emotionally and financially. And all of you. My blog readers and twitter pals who, for the last year, have been more supportive than I can ever put into words.
So, in order to keep what is left of my sanity I am taking a fresh approach. I am forcing myself to focus on the positives, hold my son a bit more, take him to the park when I am physically able to, read and sing to him when I cannot venture out, be thankful for my amazing family. I know this won’t work every day, depression is a bitch like that but I shall do my damnest.