January. Quite possibly the only month in the entire year where one feels polar opposites emotionally.
It may well be just me (I suspect not) but the first day of January starts so optimistically. Somewhere under the hangover and the remains of the festive food and drink, there is a sense of hope, anticipation, maybe even excitement.
After the last 18 months I know I did. We had our home. I had started the first of a series of operations. Harry was coming on in leaps and bounds. Time had been spent with family. We had quite possibly the best Christmas as a family. We had made
resolutions promises to get outdoors more with Harry, have more quality time together as a family, to give us all some new experiences, to take more photographs.
Then came the rain. All the rain. The rain that hasn't stopped.
Despite our best intentions, it is pretty darn hard to get out on a budget, with no car.
With rain comes cabin fever. Entertaining a 3-year-old when the rain just won't stop is testing. It tests my patience, the husband's patience. Harry pushes the boundaries and we try to not shout but some times it just gets too hard.
We re-acquaint ourselves with Peppa Pig, Ben and Holly and everything with Justin (which is just about all of the shows on cBeebies) with the occasional Toy Story which mainly an indulgence for Mummy and Daddy.
The guilt comes crashing. He has too much energy to be indoors all day for the whole month, save for the 2.5 days a week at nursery.
"But Mummy I want to go to the Castle. To the big park."
"But Mummy I want to play football."
"But Mummy I don't want to play with PlayDoh again."
Not only has this January been the wettest on record, it is a month full of low mood once the festivities have finished and routine starts again. Everything is an effort and tiresome and I just cannot be bothered but I have to for him. The little boy I helped to make. He carries a burden too big for just 3 years old and it is good, so good, that he does not realise how much I have needed him.
So I will pick myself up again. I have picked myself up again. Because I have to.
So February; please just get your weather act together. And pronto.