Tag Archives: support

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There are times in life when you can experience such a raft of emotions that you just don't know how to process them.

Image courtesy of dan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Image courtesy of dan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

Sunday was one of those days.

The parent blogging community had an exciting morning, bidding farewell and good luck to Annie, Tanya and Penny of Team Honk as part of Comic Relief.  We waited with bated breath to find out who the famous TV presenters were that were joining them on their trip.  (Jonathan Ross and Davina McCall in case you are interested)

It was a morning spent being proud of the community of which I have become a part of, knowing that the challenge these fabulous ladies were about to undertake was not one that I would be able to take up.

Then in the afternoon some tragic news filtered through.

A fellow blogger went to bed on Saturday night and made a devastating discovery.  Her nine month old daughter had died in her sleep.

The community went from excited to devastated as news filtered through.

Fellow parents offered condolences.  My timeline was awash with a disbelief and sadness that was so real.  Complete strangers were genuinely upset for a family who, in many cases, they had never met.

As the night drew in few of us could bear to leave the bedrooms of our own children, too scared to leave them, feeling incredibly blessed that we still had the honour of putting our child to bed.

There was little of the usual ramblings on my timeline on Sunday but a lot of support for a stranger.

Elizabeth set up a "Small Change" fund on her blog and in a short time has managed to raise enough money to get a star named after the baby.  On a Facebook group Merry has also set up a fund for donations so the community can buy a gift for the family to remember Matilda Mae by.

Many people might not understand us.  Or our reasons for blogging.  Lots of people see blogs as narcissistic.  Many don't understand how we can possibly feel an affinity with strangers.  This weekend has proven otherwise.

After experiencing complete opposites of emotions in the space of a few short hours, I can safely say I do feel a part of the community. And it is one I am damn well proud to be a part of.

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Photograph: Sipa Press/Rex Features

As anyone who has ever dealt with depression knows, there are times when you feel like you're constantly battling the demon.  Times when it is all you can do to get yourself out of bed, never mind anything else.

I am experiencing one of those times right now.

I spent much of yesterday in bed.  Between battling the depression, the hydrocephalus, migraines and other health issues, there are times when I feel like I am never going to be normal.  Although what normal is, I am not quite sure!  A lot of the time, when I am experiencing one of my headaches, whether that is a hydrocephalus one or a full on migraine, it will often cause a relapse in the depression stakes.  Of course that seems to work the other way too so it can feel like a vicious circle.

The thing about this vicious circle is whilst you don't feel like doing anything, even getting dressed, you know deep down that even those simple things will make you feel better.

I am lucky.  I know that there are people suffering far worse fates than me.  I know that.  I have a fantastic support network, a bright bundle of a toddler son, a loving (if sometimes lacking in understanding) husband.

The battling is tiring.  I am fed up of it.  I wanted this year to be the year that I get my depression under control but thus far that doesn't look likely.  I know I have at least another three months on my medication and that's just for the depression.  I've still got to try to battle with a consultant (if I ever get assigned one) to try to fix some of my other health issues.

Battle I will.  Because one way or another I want to, need to get better.  And I have the support I need.  I just need to reach out to them and be honest instead of putting on a brave face as I do.

Do you hide your feelings from those close to you?  How do you know when to be honest and when to keep it in?