Tag Archives: mixtape monday

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There has been something of a change, several changes I guess, within myself in recent months. I have felt lighter, more free. I have accepted that there are things I have done in the past that I can make amendments for, other things I know I cannot. I have been in a place where I have felt more content than ever.

I haven't always been the person I strive to be. The kind, loving, emphatic person I want to be. I know there have been times when I have felt more "woe is me" than strictly necessarily, or indeed acceptable to others, when I have felt I have been treated unfairly. The trials and tribulations of my own life, the insecurity and stress does not (and should not) negate that of others.

I know people have taken things I have said or done the wrong way and they have been hurt as a consequence; that I regret but I have learned from it and I truly believe that. I imagine the same is true in reverse.

I have also learned that I cannot continue to mentally beat myself up when there has been wrong on my side; sometimes I have been hurt too but I can let that go and I have. It's a continual process and I am lucky enough to have a lot of people around me to help me with that.

Free. That's what I feel at the moment.

Clara Unravelled

 

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*Warning* This may be an overly soppy edition of Mixtape Monday for some.

Five months, three months. Neither seem like a long time yet both can feel like an eternity.

Five months ago, I thought my world was going to fall apart. The husband and I semi-seperated in that he slept on the sofa and we kept ourselves to ourselves, leading independent lives, as much as is possible when still living together, only talking to discuss arrangements with Harry. If we had the money, or friends locally he would have moved out. Neither of us wore our wedding rings for the duration, we saved whatever small amount of money we could (to fund him moving out) and this all went on for almost four weeks before we were finally in a place where we could talk without feelings of anger and hurt surfacing in an overly volatile way.

Three months ago and we found ourselves in a situation which made us realise that if we didn't make certain changes, our little family would end as we know it. With a lot of love and support we made those changes and we have never been closer. We are enjoying life as a family more, growing in more love than I thought possible.

None of us can look into the future, we can only hope to learn from the past and take each day as it comes. We can hope that we continue to create a loving, safe and secure environment for Harry and ourselves but who knows what tomorrow will bring?

The thing is, the husband and I have been through so much. Homelessness, allegations of varying degrees, health problems, depression, all sorts and yet these two things earlier in the year are the only ones that made us wonder if we could make it, nothing has tested us or our love for each other in quite the same way. Yet somehow, we undoubtedly knew we did still love each other, very much. Perhaps the toll and stress of the last couple of years finally caught up with us?

During these times, I did what I often do and listened to music. Music that allowed me to cry, music that reminded me of happier times, music that allowed me to hope. One such song was this.

Clara Unravelled

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I picked a song for this week's Mixtape Monday a couple of days ago. A song that I had heard every day in the few days earlier, if not more. The trouble is, once I decided that I had to share that particular song, I obviously couldn't remember and hadn't written it down anywhere. D'oh!

Luckily for YOU my dear reader I happened to come across one of those quizzes that pop up on an hourly daily basis on various social media channels. Namely "Which song was written for you?". According to this oh so scientific quiz, it was James Blunt's "You're Beautiful".

Personally, I am a bit "meh" when it comes to Mr Blunt. I can take him or leave him and generally I have no opinion either way. I mean, I can listen to his songs, I wouldn't skip them if they come up on Spotify but nor would I actually choose to listen.

So, if you happen to like him, or don't know what I am talking about, I shall leave you with this. Also, if you click here, you can take the quiz for yourself. Do let me know what answer you get.

Clara Unravelled

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It has been a wonderfully sunny few days, filled with trips to the park after nursery and long days in the sunshine with family. Smiles and sunshine and sunscreen. A late nap on Sunday afternoon when it all got a bit too much. Brilliant blue skies and stunning sunsets. With sun kissed cheeks and grazed knees while trying to keep up with children who can run so much faster.  Not a tear or tantrum in sight made for a weekend that will not be forgotten in a hurry. A hopeful sign of the Summer to come.

Whenever the radio was on, this was blasted out. In a former life it would have been drunkenly danced to in nightclubs.

Clara Unravelled

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Last week, this song, along with some small family moments, got me through the week. I found out that someone, somewhere felt a need to report us to social services. I won't go into any more details but all I will say is that the matter was resolved quickly and both the social worker and indeed Harry's nursery have no cause for concern.

I won't lie. It made me angry and upset for a while. My little family are happy, people have noticed a positive change in recent months and this report made me wonder why we had bothered. But that is it, isn't it? Is it because we are happy and content now?

I still have no idea who made the false allegation, much less why. But that no longer matters to me. What does matter is our happiness as a family. On that note, for today's Mixtape Monday, I shall leave you with this.

Clara Unravelled

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I realise I will be shot down for sharing this for this week's Mixtape Monday but did you know that in July this year it will have been 18 years since it was released? 18?!?! That makes me feel old! Since I shall probably forget this little bit of pointless trivia by the time the anniversary comes around, I decided to share it now, because I am nice like that. Enjoy!

Clara Unravelled

 

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One lady I can always rely on to be around, whether on Twitter, Facebook or via text, at any time of the day or night is Clara from Claraunravelled. A while ago she ran a linky called Mixtape Monday where we could share songs; some times she picked a theme, other times it was left up to the blogger. It was a linky I joined in with pretty regularly (at least as regularly as Clara set the linky up 😉 ) and I missed it when she stopped doing it.

So, I was thrilled when, on catching up with my blog reading, I discovered that she has revived this linky!

This week there is no theme.

Yes, I am nothing if not predictable. (You knew it would be a Robbie track didn't you?!)

I have done a lot of soul-searching recently and some realisations have been extremely difficult for me to accept and yet, I am reminded of this song in many ways. I have never thought regrets helpful, they are, broadly speaking, a waste of time. Every thing I have done or been through has led me to this point in my life; a point where I am happy, content, have a loving  family and some wonderful friends. Would I have all of this if I hadn't travelled the road I have? Who knows?

Thank you Clara for reviving this!

Clara Unravelled