H is usually one of the most laid back, adaptable toddlers I have ever known. Everyone comments on his nature and a line that is often said to us is "He is so laid back he is horizontal". Whether it be keeping him up late, going away for one night or four, changed his routine through switching childcare providers or jobs, he has always adapted well and on returning home after going away, settled back into his original routine with amazing ease. ...continue reading
My physical abilities have taken a knock in recent months and I have started to wonder whether H is missing out since I have been unable to take him out much.
Now, I was never one to sign up to the London Marathon or even for the 5k run for Breast Cancer Awareness but I have always been able to keep up with H, or walk a reasonable distance. Yes, I have been lazy at times but I *could* if I wanted or needed to.
Now, it is a different story.
My syringomyelia has severely impacted me physically. Six months ago the walk to the bus stop to go into the City centre took all of 5 minutes. Yesterday the exact same walk took me 13 minutes. H got to the bus stop (with Daddy) before I did!
We wanted to take H to the park. We do have one that is walking distance, although would take me about 30 minutes and end with me in agony, rather than the previous 10, but we wanted to take him to the bigger one, with more equipment which he adores. As a bonus a lot of people take their dogs there for a walk and it has a lake with ducks.
So we made the trip, one which previously I have done with H on a weekly basis but we haven't been since the Summer due to me not being able to adequately supervise H.
Whilst it was lovely to see the smiles and laughter on H's face, I couldn't help but feel I had let him down by having to sit on the sidelines and watch whilst he played with D. It was heartbreaking to hear him ask me to join in and I physically couldn't. Don't get me wrong, H adores spending time with either or both of us but lately my "fun" activities with him have been limited to a story or singing nursery rhymes. Heck, I can't even bath him since I cannot lift him any more.
I admit to having a quiet little cry whilst watch H and D play on the slides, the climbing frame and jumping in the piles of leaves. However, I quickly and silently gave myself a talking to and just absorbed myself in watching my son burn off energy and generally having some much-needed quality time with his Daddy.
I may not be able to join in with the fun and games any more but I can certainly reap the rewards of a happy child.
I know now that he isn't really missing out any more. With being brutally honest with those closest to me about my limitations, in the last week or so I have had unending support. Perhaps it is me missing out rather than my son?
On Father's Day I wanted to let you know how much I love you.
I love our cuddles, me and you enjoying some time just being together.
I love going to the park and you playing on the swings and slides with me. You're just a bigger version of me really aren't you?
I enjoy sitting with you when you read to me. I'm sorry if I seem to be selecting the boring stories lately but mummy assures me I will grow out of this phase soon.
I love snuggling up with you to watch the Formula 1 (as we were doing in the picture above) or the football. It's a shame there isn't any for us to enjoy today.
I love you for being on my side with getting a doggy. I am sure we can persuade mummy somehow.
I love knowing that no matter what, you will always protect me and mummy from the bad people.
There are a lot more things I love but I want to go and play again now so I have run out of time but I think the thing I love best is using you as a trampoline every morning. I know you don't like it but it really is my favourite thing. So I'm going to keep doing it for a little while longer, OK?
Lots of love
Your little terror
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