As I sit and write, the weather outside is grey. Which rather reflects my mood and that of the husband. We are not feeling at all festive. We haven't watched any Christmas films yet. I am still reeling that Elf is only available on Sky Movies and we don't have a DVD player at the moment. We don't yet have a tree up as we are still disagreeing over whether to blow our budget and purchase a real tree or just use our old plastic one and in any case, none of our sets of lights work and we seem to be missing about half of our decorations.
On the one hand, I keep telling myself I need to get my backside into gear. After all, there are still cards to be written and posted, gifts to be bought and wrapped and food and drinks to be bought (although we will be spending Christmas Day with family).
On the other hand, next week, the full week before Christmas is a really busy one for us. On Tuesday I have an ATOS assessment. My appointment is at 9 am, 1.5 hours away by public transport with a "normal" walking time. My own walking time is approximately double that of most healthy adults. So I shall get a taxi. I will have to attend a place I have never been to, meet people I have never met by myself as, clearly Harry cannot be left at home unsupervised and children are not allowed. Just the thought of actually going there makes me anxious and fills me with dread, never mind the actual assessment.
The husband has a meeting on Wednesday afternoon, which will mean me getting Harry ready for pre-school, getting him there and back by myself. I know this isn't a big deal to many people but the way I feel right now, it is a big deal to me. Anxiety is fun right?!
Thursday is Harry's pre-school performance. I am really looking forward to this. He is a King and keeps singing the songs, at least he tries to! He currently only knows one in full but I am guessing most of the children will be at a similar point and the whole idea is just for them to have fun. Harry certainly does and I cannot wait to see him it; I just hope I remember my camera and box of tissues.
Then Friday. Friday is operation date. I will undergo surgery for my hydrocephalus. As I have a blockage rather than simply excess fluid around my brain, I will be having a procedure which will involve an incision in the floor of my third ventricle as opposed to a shunt. This procedure will, hopefully, mean I will not require a shunt but of course we don't know what the outcome will be. We are hopeful I should just spend the one night in hospital but clearly we won't know that until post-op.
I trust my surgeon and I am confident that I will be in the best of hands. Mostly I am not looking forward to having to get to the hospital for 7.30 am on no coffee or breakfast as I have to fast from midnight.
So right now, grey sums up not only the weather outside by my mood. I have tried listening to Christmas songs to no avail. Tomorrow we will replace our lights and get new decorations, put up our plastic tree to Christmas songs and I might even purchase some Bailey's, or at least a supermarket own version. If that fails to get me in the Christmas mood I don't know what will.
So, let me know dear readers of mine. What sends you from grey to cheery? I think I need some help and I need it quick!