Tag Archives: change


There has been something of a change, several changes I guess, within myself in recent months. I have felt lighter, more free. I have accepted that there are things I have done in the past that I can make amendments for, other things I know I cannot. I have been in a place where I have felt more content than ever.

I haven't always been the person I strive to be. The kind, loving, emphatic person I want to be. I know there have been times when I have felt more "woe is me" than strictly necessarily, or indeed acceptable to others, when I have felt I have been treated unfairly. The trials and tribulations of my own life, the insecurity and stress does not (and should not) negate that of others.

I know people have taken things I have said or done the wrong way and they have been hurt as a consequence; that I regret but I have learned from it and I truly believe that. I imagine the same is true in reverse.

I have also learned that I cannot continue to mentally beat myself up when there has been wrong on my side; sometimes I have been hurt too but I can let that go and I have. It's a continual process and I am lucky enough to have a lot of people around me to help me with that.

Free. That's what I feel at the moment.

Clara Unravelled



H is usually one of the most laid back, adaptable toddlers I have ever known.  Everyone comments on his nature and a line that is often said to us is "He is so laid back he is horizontal".  Whether it be keeping him up late, going away for one night or four, changed his routine through switching childcare providers or jobs, he has always adapted well and on returning home after going away, settled back into his original routine with amazing ease. ...continue reading


Toddlers are a pretty resilient bunch of people aren't they?

We have gone through a huge upheaval recently and whilst I spend what feels like hours at a time beating myself up, trying to work out how it all went so wrong, H is still largely happy, playful, cheeky and back-chatting as always.

There is no doubt that there have been a few clingy moments but with so much change at such a young age, no one can really blame him. ...continue reading


It is all change here again.

The husband has found a job.  I still haven't.  It isn't a full-time job but it is just enough hours to get a little bit in terms of Working Tax Credits (although given how much they overpaid us last year I am not sure how much).

We have only been getting full benefits for a couple of months, we waited until I had been out of a job myself for a month because, you know, no one really wants to have to ask for help to support their family.  At least most people want to support themselves despite what the Daily Mail *spits* would have you believe.  We waited until we were down to pennies in the bank and my aunt gave me a stern talking to, including an apology that she couldn't help, not that we were asking for her to!

So now he has a job.  We are chuffed by this.

So today we spent hours on the telephone calling the various agencies; HMRC, the Job Centre, the Council.

The husband needs some money in order to be able to travel to work, whether by bus or by getting his bicycle repaired so he can cycle, it is too far to walk, especially when you consider at least once, maybe twice a week he will be on a split shift, such is the hospitality industry.

So imagine our surprise when he was told that his final JSA payment could take up to a week to be awarded.  Granted, we got one last week so the next one is not due for a week anyway but we are crap with money so we shop for food and all other necessities on a fortnightly basis.  Basically, if we have money in the bank account, we are likely to spend it.  So our bills, food, nappies (for H obviously, not us) are bought and paid for once the JSA comes in.  Not that all the bills are covered by it but that is another post entirely.  A couple of calls and hours of pleading later and they have agreed to fast track it.  *relief*

Another surprise came when I called the council to inform them of our change in circumstances.  I understand they have to suspend our housing benefit claim until we can show proof of the husband's earnings.  I understand that will slow things down, what with him being paid four-weekly in arrears and the housing benefit being paid fortnightly in arrears.  What I don't understand is this new revelation.  Apparently, if we had been claiming for over six months they would continue paying our housing benefit for a further six weeks?!  I don't really understand that, it kind of feels like we are being punished for the husband getting a job?

Our only hope for the next 4 weeks until he gets paid is that somehow the tax credits, along with the housing benefit arrears we are owed will be enough to cover the rent and all the other things we need to live on but somehow I doubt it!

We hated being on benefits, it really is not a pleasant feeling for us, nor for the vast majority but you know, actually, I am beginning to understand what is referred to as the "Benefit Trap" and that is without having to come up with the ridiculous childcare fees in advance (which we will have to try to find if I ever manage to find a job myself).

*Disclaimer* I would like to assure you dear reader I am eternally grateful for the welfare system we have and wouldn't be so naive to think that there can ever be a perfect system but my goodness it is slightly screwed at the moment!